


When the Tiers Start to Fall (I Won't Wipe Them Away)

by sonlali



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Humans, Baking, Baking Competition, Competitive Ronnie, Friendly Rivalry, Gen, Magical Realism, POV Ronnie Lee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26331151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/pseuds/sonlali
Summary: Schitt's Creek holds a baking competition each year, and Ronnie and Jocelyn are fierce competitors. Ronnie is determined to win this year, but she didn't count on having Alexis Rose as an opponent. Also, Schitt's Creek is a town of non-humans.
Relationships: Ronnie Lee & Alexis Rose, Ronnie Lee & Jocelyn Schitt
Comments: 19
Kudos: 21
Collections: Elevate! A Schitt's Creek Femslash Exchange





	When the Tiers Start to Fall (I Won't Wipe Them Away)

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [ria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/singsongsung) for betaing and convincing me this was actually worth writing. I probably would have abandoned the story if it weren't for your support and enthusiasm for the idea. <3
> 
> title from "Save Up All Your Tears" by Cher, except the pun, which is from my heart

Ronnie frowns into the mirror, prodding at the large blemish underneath her left horn. 

“Too damn old for acne," she mutters. It's stress that’s causing her skin to break out like this. Ever since the Rose family moved to Schitt’s Creek three months ago — _has it really only been three months?_ — Ronnie’s life has been a whole hell of a lot more difficult. 

Moira Rose spent her first month in Schitt’s Creek sobbing in her closet in the motel, which suited Ronnie just fine. At least she didn’t have to deal with her, although she did provide a sympathetic ear to Stevie, who had been subjected to the full force of the Rose family crisis when they moved into the motel. 

During her second month in Schitt’s Creek, Moira took to wailing loudly as she soared throughout the town, and that was when Ronnie’s stress began. Moira developed a fondness for circling above residents of the town like a glamorous oversized vulture, lamenting her new status in life and dropping her feathers into coffee mugs and dinner plates at the café. 

Johnny Rose at least had the decency to keep his wings withdrawn inside his expensive suit jackets while indoors, however, his tendency to butt his nose into other people’s conversations to reminisce about his own prior successes and offer unsolicited business advice made him every bit as irritating as his wife. 

And then there’s the Rose children — David and Alexis. Ronnie doesn’t mind David too much. He typically sulks alone on the roofs of buildings and amidst treetops. Her brief interactions with David thus far have proven him to be as arrogant and entitled as his parents, but at least he keeps to himself, only flying down for meals or to share the occasional joint with Stevie, with whom he has inexplicably formed a friendship. 

Alexis Rose is the driving force behind Ronnie’s current migraine. Around two weeks ago, Alexis visited Town Hall and made a beeline for Ronnie’s desk. Ronnie had served Alexis her finest glare over a mug of coffee as she flew across the room, but Alexis had been completely undeterred. Alexis _always_ flies wherever she goes, not high above the town and out of the way like her brother. No, Alexis hovers a few inches above the ground, her shimmery, translucent wings fluttering around her as she glides through the air like she thinks she’s an angel or some shit. Ronnie hates it. Heaven forbid the princess’ fancy, expensive shoes touch the unworthy soil of Schitt’s Creek. 

Alexis had stopped in front of Ronnie’s desk, holding out her hand to Ronnie like a queen to her lowly subject. Ronnie ignored it. 

“Alexis Rose,” she said with a flutter of her eyelashes.

“I’m aware,” Ronnie replied.

Alexis smiled broadly then and explained to Ronnie that she was there to fulfill court-ordered hours of community service. 

And thus began one hundred hours of Ronnie babysitting a spoiled twenty-something. Alexis is perpetually late, spends the majority of her time flirting, and never stops talking. Ronnie only needs to see Alexis when she checks in before and after her daily shifts to verify the completed hours of service, but somehow Alexis still manages to drive Ronnie up the wall.

She spent twenty minutes on Monday floating lazily beside Ronnie’s desk talking about how attractive Mutt is (“I dated a werewolf when I was in Bali for a while, and he was really good in bed, like, _really_ good. Reeeeally good. Is Mutt seeing anyone? Because, seriously, it was _so_ good.”) She was forty minutes late yesterday and didn’t show up at all today. Ronnie is tempted to sign the papers verifying the completed hours anyway just so she can be rid of her, but on the other hand, the princess needs to learn the value of hard work.

There’s currently a full moon, leaving Mutt unable to complete his community service shift today, so Alexis’ absence forced Ronnie to repaint the fence outside of Bob’s garage on her own. Ordinarily, Ronnie wouldn’t mind the task, but her anger at Alexis left her grinding her teeth all day, cursing under her breath and giving herself a headache — and, apparently, stress acne. 

“Hiya, neighbor!” A voice calls out from somewhere behind Ronnie. She swears again. It’s Jocelyn. Twelve years of living down the street from the Schitts, and Ronnie has finally managed to convince Jocelyn not to just barge into her house whenever she wants to stop by, but that doesn’t stop her from letting herself inside. Jocelyn reasons that as long as she stays just inside the entryway to the house, she’s not _really_ invading Ronnie’s privacy. Ronnie strongly disagrees, but at least Jocelyn doesn’t walk into her bedroom anymore. Now, if only she could get Ray to learn that lesson. 

Ronnie throws one last fleeting grimace at the zit throbbing angrily on her horn before exiting the bathroom. Sure enough, Jocelyn is standing in the entryway, but her antennae are snaking their way around the corner, prodding at a stack of mail left on the kitchen table. Jocelyn promptly reels them back in when she hears Ronnie enter the room without a trace of embarrassment at being caught snooping. 

“Ronnie!” she chirps.

“Jocelyn,” Ronnie grunts in response.

“I was just stopping by to remind you of the bake off this Saturday.”

“I haven’t forgotten.” Ronnie knows that Jocelyn is actually here to try to get a glimpse at what Ronnie will be baking this year.

Every year, the entire town competes in a baking competition, but for as long as Ronnie can remember, she and Jocelyn have been the only serious contenders. There had been the great upset of 2012 when Roland nearly took first place after Jocelyn submitted two entries into the competition under the guise that the delicious raspberry tart had actually been Roland’s work. 

This act of treachery had led to the competition being moved out of each competitor’s personal kitchen and into the café. Beginning in 2013, all competitors now have to do their work out in the open where anyone can watch, carrying their submissions down the street to Town Hall after they are finished baking where they have more space to complete any frosting and decorating before the judging.

Ronnie can acknowledge that the whole town marching between the two locations is slightly ridiculous, but she refuses to allow any future attempts at deception. Besides, the process has worked just fine aside from a couple hiccups — the devastating smashed pumpkin pie incident when Twyla tripped on her way to Town Hall from the café, splattering her pie all over the sidewalk, and the time the power went out in the café, forcing everyone to work by candlelight. Bob’s nightvision had earned him a surprise win that year. 

If you disregard these outliers, which Ronnie absolutely does, either Jocelyn or Ronnie have won every year for the past decade. Jocelyn’s brownies had taken the win last year, and Ronnie refuses to spend another year listening to Roland’s taunting about his wife’s superior baking abilities. Ronnie _will_ win this year. She has been preparing for Saturday’s bake off for months, painstakingly poring over recipes and spending hours in the kitchen, and she is certain that her chocolate almond espresso cake will be crowned the champion at this year’s competition. She’s confident, but that doesn’t mean she will be giving anything away to Jocelyn and risking sabotage. 

“How can I help you, Jocelyn?” Ronnie prompts after several moments pass without Jocelyn admitting the real reason why she is here.

“David Rose has entered the competition, did you hear?” Jocelyn widens her eyes in faux-innocence, clearly trying to gauge Ronnie’s reaction.

“Mm,” Ronnie hums noncommittally. “Doesn’t strike me as someone who knows his way around a kitchen.”

“Maybe so, but he’s still an unknown quantity.” Jocelyn’s head bobs as she gives Ronnie a meaningful look.

“Guess we’ll find out on Saturday. Nice seeing you, Jocelyn.” Ronnie opens the front door and leads Jocelyn outside. She’s not concerned about David Rose.

~~

Ronnie is sipping on her morning coffee, scowling at the newspaper, when the Roses enter the café, Johnny with his wings tucked into yet another one of his crisp business suits, Moira tottering along on absurd stilettos, her enormous black and white wings stretched out behind her ostentatiously, David stomping along after his parents with his dark wings wrapped around himself protectively, and Alexis taking up the rear, fluttering a few feet above her family and chattering incessantly. Ronnie sighs and twitches her newspaper higher to obscure the Roses from her line of vision.

“Morning, Roses!” Twyla calls cheerfully. Ronnie hears a splash as Twyla leaps from her pool behind the counter to glide across the café, leaving a trail of water behind her. “What can I get you today?”

“Tilda, darling,” Moira says, ignoring Twyla’s murmured correction of her name. “Might you share a dash of your stupefacient?”

“My, um, what?” 

“My wife is referring to, uh, well, you see, you have…” Johnny’s stammering forces Ronnie to peer over the top of her newspaper, temporarily halting her vow to thoroughly ignore the Roses.

“Twy, you have cocaine under your nose.” Alexis hands over a napkin with what she obviously thinks is a winning smile.

“For fuck’s sake, Alexis!” David throws his hands up in the air, and Ronnie can’t help but lean closer to try to catch a glimpse at Twyla, her blue-green skin splotchy with an embarrassed flush.

Twyla wipes at her face frantically. “Oh, no, no, it’s flour!” she explains. “I’ve been baking! To prepare for the competition this Saturday.”

Moira promptly loses interest and makes no attempt to disguise it, but Johnny stumbles his way through a lie about how much he wishes he had the time to participate. 

“What competition?” Alexis asks, and before Ronnie can duck behind her newspaper again, Twyla is waving her over. She stands and crosses her arms across her chest, giving a single nod in the direction of the Rose family, but she refuses to approach their booth. She doesn’t need to be a part of this conversation.

“Ooh, the baking competition! Schitt’s Creek holds one every year. Ronnie and Jocelyn are kind of the unofficial hosts because they usually win. But you should totally sign up, Alexis!” Twyla’s ponytail swings enthusiastically as she speaks, spraying water across David’s face. Ronnie snorts out a laugh at the poorly-veiled horror twisting over his features. 

“Oh, um, that sounds like _so_ much fun, Twy, but I don’t know. I’m not really, like, a baker, you know?” 

“Shocking,” Ronnie scoffs. 

“It’s so much fun, though!” Twyla enthuses. “And David signed up, didn’t you, David?”

David immediately turns his attention to his cuticles, while Alexis slaps at his arm.

“David, I’m shocked that you would return to the scullery after your disastrous attempt with the _en_ chiladas.” Moira draws the word out dramatically, adding several unnecessary syllables. 

“ _My_ disastrous attempt?!” David actually rises several feet above the booth with his outrage.

“Well, son, I think it really shows a lot of courage to return to something after a failure,” Johnny says.

“Okay, that’s enough!” David looks about ready to fly right out of the café, but Alexis rests a steadying hand on his shoulder and turns her attention back to Twyla.

“Sign me up too, Twy! We’re going to have so much fun, right, David?” Alexis flashes a grin over to where Ronnie is standing. Ronnie feels an ache settle into her jaw where she has started grinding her teeth again.

~~

“So, who’s going to judge? I always like to get to know the judges before a competition. Make sure they know where to direct their attention, you know?” Alexis finished cleaning up trash alongside the creek twenty five minutes ago, and she’s been floating in lazy circles around Ronnie’s desk ever since. Ronnie is fighting the urge to knock her out of the air. 

“Gwen.” Ronnie grunts out the word, focusing her eyes on the contract she’s supposed to be reviewing for Ray’s new greeting card business. (He’s currently offering “Have a Great Ray,” “Happy BirthRay,” and “Sor-Ray for Your Loss” cards. Ronnie doesn’t hate them as much as she wants to.) 

“Who’s Gwen?” Alexis snags a pen from Ronnie’s desk on her next loop around and begins twirling it between her fingers.

“Bob’s wife. She’s the only person in the town who can be completely objective.”

The pen drops into Ronnie’s coffee mug and Alexis bats her eyelashes innocently. “She’s not biased toward her husband?”

“Nope. You decide what you’re going to bake yet, princess?” 

“Nah, I haven’t really thought about it. I thrive under the pressure of last-minute decisions.”

“Mm.” Ronnie rereads the same sentence for the sixth time. “You better come prepared. I won’t have you trying to steal ideas from anyone else. Stevie keeps a lookout for anyone trying to cheat or steal during the competition, so she’ll have her eyes on you — all five of them.”

“Oh, I’m sure she will.” Alexis flutters her eyelids in what Ronnie supposes must be a wink. “I’m used to having all eyes on me, so I’ll be just fine.”

And with that, she sweeps out of the room without a backward glance, a single golden feather swirling gracefully through the air and landing directly in Ronnie’s lunch.

“Son of a—”

~~

Ronnie arrives at the café early on Saturday morning to make sure everything has been set up to her exacting standards. She does a sweep of the room and smirks to herself triumphantly. Jocelyn isn’t here yet.

“Hiya, Ronnie! I was wondering when you’d get here. I’ve been here for ages, of course. Just stepped out to grab some extra paper towels in case there’s any oopsies! Don’t worry, I got a roll for ya. I know you sometimes get a little messy with your mixing.” Jocelyn gives an exaggerated wink and sets about distributing paper towels around the room. 

Ronnie grits her teeth and busies herself with arranging her ingredients and mixing bowls across the table she has selected as her own (best lighting and minimal foot traffic from the other competitors as they move around the room). Jocelyn is humming tunelessly and Ronnie has to shove her hands in her pockets to keep from flinging an egg across the room. 

Thankfully, Twyla arrives then and Ronnie jumps at the opportunity to help set up her mini pool at her work table. Ronnie wants to avoid a repeat of the disaster from 2009 when Twyla decided she would be okay to go a few hours without her pool of water and passed out after two hours, knocking into Ray’s stand mixer, which then sent cake batter flying through the air, some even managing to get on the ceiling. 

By the time Ronnie is finished helping Twyla, most of the other contestants have started filing in, David selecting a table in the back corner, Ray appearing from thin air in the middle of the room, Stevie sitting up near the front where she can keep her eyes on everyone, but Ronnie is gratified to note that Alexis has not shown up. Maybe the fairy princess realized she isn’t cut out for the kitchen.

Gwen takes a seat at the front and eyes the clock. It’s one minute to start when the door swings open and Alexis flies inside. She soars through the room, the floaty material of her dress billowing around her to create an angelic effect. Ted’s ears perk up and his tail swishes sharply through the air as he gapes open mouthed at Alexis. The wooden spoon in Ronnie’s hand snaps in two with a loud _crack_. Alexis comes to a halt at a table front and center, smoothing down her feathers and smiling beatifically at Gwen. 

“Right,” Gwen drawls, clearly nonplussed. “It’s gonna be ninety minutes on the clock. That’s for prep and bake. If you aren’t ready when the time is up, you’ll be disqualified. After the ninety minutes has passed, we’ll be walking over to Town Hall together for you to do your decorating and whatnot. There will be thirty minutes for you to do that, and then it’ll be time for me to judge. Knock it off, Roland!” Without taking her eyes off the competitors, one of Gwen’s tentacles shoots out to swat a jar of sprinkles from Roland’s claws. Roland has been banned from competing since the cheating incident, but no one can stop him from claiming it is his responsibility as mayor to slink around the room attempting to sneak samples. 

Ronnie cracks her knuckles and takes a steadying breath as Gwen fiddles with her phone to set a timer. 

“And… begin!”

Ronnie’s eyes scan over the recipe she has long since memorized. She allows herself to smile. Now is her moment to shine. All the stress and irritation melts away as she loses herself in the process, the precise measurements and familiar motions a soothing balm to all her frustrations. Ronnie knows she is good with her hands, skilled at following detailed instructions, competent at multitasking. Most of all, Ronnie thrives in a competition. She’s in her element now and more confident than ever that she’s going to win. 

~~

She finishes her cake with time to spare and sneaks glances around the room to scout out the competition. David had given up thirty minutes in after he somehow managed to set his mixing bowl on fire — no one is quite sure what happened there — and is now sulking in a corner shoveling chocolate chips in his mouth. Ray’s muffins admittedly smell delicious, but Bob’s brownies both look and smell like charred meat. Ronnie can’t manage to see what Alexis is working on, but it’s not like she’s a serious competitor. When they’re ready to head over to Town Hall for the decorating portion of the competition, Ronnie sneers at Jocelyn’s butter tarts and carries her cake with great pride. 

~~

Ronnie carefully places one final almond in the frosting spread lightly across her cake and nods decisively. _Perfect_. This cake is definitely going to take home first place this year. She tidies up her workstation as she waits for Gwen to call time and smirks disdainfully at Jocelyn once more for good measure. Her cake looks flawless and her worktop is gleaming when Gwen announces that time is up.

Gwen makes her way to the first table and samples Twyla’s salted caramel cupcakes. She swallows her bite with difficulty and grimaces. 

“It’s _very_ salty.”

“Uh huh.” Twyla nods eagerly. “My cousin’s boyfriend let me use some of the salt lick from his farm to make a special frosting!”

Gwen nods mutely and moves clockwise around the room, stopping next at Bob’s charred brownies. She raises an eyebrow at Bob and shakes her head without taking a sample. Bob shrugs amiably as Gwen moves on to the next competitor. 

“Doesn’t matter to me — I’m still going home with the real prize in this room, right, honey?” Bob chuckles. 

“We’ll talk later,” Gwen says dismissively.

Ray’s muffins receive an enthusiastic six tentacles up as Gwen hums around her mouthful. Robin’s cookies are spat out into a trash can, but Lena’s pie gets a shrug with a “not half bad.” Gwen slips two of Grace’s doughnuts onto one of her tentacles to save for later after enthusiastically devouring her first sample. Ronnie never much liked Grace now that she thinks about it. Stevie’s cinnamon rolls are unfit for non-human consumption, and Ronnie is pretty sure she saw one of them _moving_. 

Finally, Gwen arrives at Jocelyn’s table, and Ronnie is delighted by the nervous expression on Jocelyn’s face. Gwen eagerly bites into a butter tart and the resounding _crack_ rings through the room like a gunshot. 

“I, uh, I think I may have left them in the oven a bit long,” Jocelyn murmurs. “Rollie was being a bit distracting…” 

“Oopsies happen, am I right, Jocelyn?” Ronnie smirks. Grace’s doughnuts may be good, but she knows her cake will knock them out of the running easily. With Jocelyn now certainly eliminated, Ronnie may as well claim her victory. The ugly old bowling trophy that they have been using as the grand prize is as good as hers. Good thing she dusted off her fireplace mantle this morning. 

Gwen takes a bite of Ronnie’s cake and moans loudly, two of her tentacles clapping above her head. 

“Excellent, Ronnie, definitely your best yet.”

“Thank you, Gwen.” Ronnie puffs out her chest proudly. “It’s an honor—” Ronnie trails off as Gwen strolls away to Alexis’ table. She had forgotten about her. Ronnie rolls her eyes impatiently, annoyed that she has to postpone her gloating.

“Heyyy! Welcome to my table. I’m Alexis Rose.” Alexis smiles widely at Gwen, her wings fluttering delicately in the air. “I can’t wait for you to enjoy my delicious citrus olive oil cake.”

Gwen takes a bite and closes her eyes with a groan. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes, this is it!” Gwen slaps Alexis’ table ecstatically. “We have a winner!”

Ronnie’s jaw drops. She rubs a hand over her eyes in disbelief, unable to accept what she’s seeing when Gwen hands Alexis the trophy. 

“Oh yay!” Alexis rises gracefully in the air. “This is _so_ cute! David! Stop pouting and come look at the cute little trophy I won! Fun!”

Everyone begins to mill about the room then, sampling one another’s baked goods and congratulating Alexis. Ronnie remains behind her table, glaring at the cake that so cruelly betrayed her. She knows she should go congratulate Alexis, knows it would be the most sportsmanlike thing to do, but instead she smashes the slice of cake Gwen abandoned with a fork. 

“Well, that was unexpected.” Ronnie turns to find Jocelyn standing beside her, holding out a glass of wine. Ronnie accepts the peace offering gratefully and clinks it against Jocelyn’s glass.

They both take a sip and look across the room where Gwen is helping herself to seconds of Alexis’ cake. 

“This is seriously your first attempt at baking?” Gwen raises an eyebrow.

“What, like it’s hard?” Alexis twirls a perfect golden lock of hair around a finger and laughs. “I guess maybe I’m just, like, a natural or something.”

Ronnie and Jocelyn snort in unison. 

“How about you come over tomorrow for some coffee cake?” Ronnie says.

“Really?” Jocelyn smiles.

“Yeah, we gotta start plotting how we’re going to win back that trophy next year.”

Alexis floats over to their table then. “Hey!” 

“Congrats, princess.” Ronnie offers her hand, which Alexis accepts with a surprisingly firm grip. 

“So, um, I just wanted to thank you both for organizing such a fun little event. It’s been kind of, I don’t know…” Alexis lets out an uncomfortable laugh and pets at her hair. “It’s just been a bit weird moving here and it was nice to get involved.” She smiles, smaller and softer than her usual sparkling grin. “So, anyway, thanks!” 

Ronnie shoots Jocelyn a look and they both nod, smiling. “Welcome to Schitt’s Creek, Alexis. You’re one of us now."

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks go to another_Hero and earlylight for organizing!! <3
> 
> come say hi on tumblr [@landofsonlali](https://landofsonlali.tumblr.com/)!


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